I want to die (and so does everyone else, aparently...)

I've decided, more like, came to the conclusion: my life is worth living. Life is plagued with all these distractions to seperate, addict, and in the end destroy us. I choose to see it as a challenge from kexe7nex siyam (the creator) and my ansestors. We are bombared with ad campigns to reconize companies slogan, logo and design. TV set to seperate us from reality. Drowned us in it's illusion of reality. Yet when we watch we don't really feel. It is cheating, ourselves from what is really out there. It's like real love, and fake love. Fake love is easy to come by. For a good 200$ you can buy fake love. A few dinners, movies and some flowers can buy you some fake love. But real love, intimate or not, is a spiritual, intellectual, physical and emotional awakening. And thus is the same for every other "need", such as love, in our lives. I am just fed up with it, and say "Ya Basta!" (Enough!).

All be it, some TV shows are made to be an art form. Some movies, music and designs are truly expressively intellectual, spiritual, physical or emotional. Unfortunaly, most of the "junk" out there is set to distract us from really being us. It may distract us from worldy issues such as famine, geocide and destruction, which it does well, it distracts our spirit from somthing much more important, our spirit.

How many would rather smell the wind, or feel the trees? Would you stare at a river or a creek and learn what it has to offer? What would it take for you to want to die, so you can truly live. I find we've allowed this filter to be created around us, which we promote on our own lives. This spiritual filter we use to cover up what we really feel. Alcohlics, gamblers and drug addicts do it to cover up pain; would it be any different for any other addiction. TV? Video-games? Movies? I have learned that not living, is death, or at least the path to death; killing. I know now that I want to pay attention to the world around me. And more importantly, my own world. Do trees, the sky, the rain, the everything and nothing around me effect me in anyway. I find it idiotic that I don't remember what that tree looks like on my way to school. I know more about "THE OC", then do about the forests around here.

Then we hide ourselves away to get lost in the illusion, to be scared. Scared of our true power and potential. By watching TV we are not living. It creates this void of no emotion or intellectual rot inside our spirits.Growing into somthing magnificent to experence life. No? I wonder why. I say, can you learn to have fun without alchohol, but can you learn to truly live without distractions? iPods. Cell phones. TV. MSN. Celebrities. Fashon. Shopping. Movies. Music. Where does tool become downfall. I say our strengths become our weakness, and we continue to let these workable strengths lead to our weakness. As is any addiction. If your not addicted, can you stop automaticaly right now? Probably not.

I'm not sure if I'm more angery or sick of what I am. I want to die, die hard and fast, just so I can be born again. Rid of these thoughts and opinions. These set backs and illusions of reality. All this extra crap added on by friends, parents, and society all made to raise me as a bitch with a death wish. Quite frankly, I want to come out kicking and screaming to find the light. Not the light way out there, but the light inside myself. Be born again so I can live. Attention, Discipline. Paradox, humor and change. Life... What say you?