Help would be nice...

This is why the heart fails me
"Everything happens for a reason"
I believe that too.
This I must learn from this.
But, for fuck sakes....

I can't help but feel angery.
He hates this life period.
Yet he knows only he can change it.
Except he's waiting.
Which is just as annoying.
It's like your waiting for the "3,1,2 GO".
But they only finished saying 2.

This life has it's challenges.
I need a reboot.
need/want
Reboot and an upgrade.
This is a horrible feeling.

At least when your depressed you know where you are.
When your happy your good at where you are.
This...?

"Where am I?"
Here
"When am I?"
Now

This is unsettling.
Im a liar
I've never opened up to people.

Everything so far was a tiny layer of the onion into a story of feelings as tragic as the person itself.
I've created my own walls because I believed in other peoples weakness
I am not happy and it's about time I owned up to that.
And I am angery, it's about time I claimed that.

But what to do with this energy.
I've dug myself into a hole of caverns about to burst.
With me inside.
Which ironicly I want.
Except, I'll be burried, not reborn.
I want to die.
so I can be born again.

I'm disgusted with what I've become.
What I do, think, feel,
Everything needs to be clear in order for there to be room for change.
Everything else is just bullshit of a illusion created by the past 17 years of my life.

Love, friendships, knowledge,
The only that feels real is the wisdom given to me.
The wisdom that is everything and nothing.
That which will and must remain.

Two wolves are fighting inside me.
Which one wins, is the one I feed more.
"Me" vs. Me
One wants to die, the other wants to live.
The first one wants to die because it's not living.
The other wants to live because it feels dead.

Paradox, humor and change
that would definitly be a paradox
Shut my eyes to the disgust
...and run smack into a tree

"Where are you?"
Here
"What time is it?"
Now

"If it feels like you are losing control of your life, rest assured that the circumstances will change"
...says the stars